La Dolce Vita

As a new year began about a month ago, a new one is just beginning tonight. But more on that later. I find it appropriate to tell you that in the new year, I have decided to start brand new. And what better way to do that than to move into a new apartment.

That's right folks, you heard it here first. After terribly lengthy commutes, frustrating transfers, and VERY long work days, I decided I needed a place closer to my school. I began searching around New Years, and after about a week of disappointing results, I came across the perfect spot for me, in which I now reside.

I moved from Daan, in the center of the city, to a bit of a more suburbanite type of location on the outskirts of Taipei. I am not living in any rice paddie, to be sure, but this offers a quieter, happier existence with plenty of comforts with which one young man needs to get by. Essentially, it is like moving from the Back Bay of Boston to Harvard Square of Cambridge. I am still in the city, but there are more residences.

I am living in an area of Taipei called Neihu. There is an upcoming MRT station near my house, along with markets, parks, IMAX and movie theaters, the giant ferris wheel, and best of all mountain hiking. I am living down a side street close to the main road. I forsook a fourth floor, elevator and doorman equipped three bedroom apartment for a fifth floor, no doorman, no elevator, one room apartment. Why did I do it you ask? For the exercise? No, no, my good reader, I assure you I get plenty of exercise at the gym. My reasons are simple- next to, of course, it being a fifteen minute walk from my school.

First, the apartment is beautiful. But perhaps, after climbing five flights of stairs, any contraption resembling four walls and a floor- ceiling optional- will look beautiful. The flat is laid out like a spacious studio apartment. It is one large room with an adjoining bathroom. The flat is brand new, with a new king size bed, dresser, mini-fridge, cabinet, bedside table with drawers, and dressing counter with mirror. There is also a work space suitable for a computer (at which I am working at the present moment). The bathroom is also new, with a large shower, sink, and toilet, which I suppose, come standard with any bathroom these days. But in its defense, it is new.

Perhaps the most impressive furnishing inside the apartment, next to the bed of course, is the flat screen TV hanging impressively on my wall. Unfortunately, the one drawback is the lack of a kitchen. But a with a hot water faucet outside, I am turning into the iron chef of instant noodles. But seriously, I am purchasing a hotplate so boiling water or frying food will become a reality.

Now, let's take a journey outside. Picture this- you just wake up from your evening slumber. You pour yourself a cup of piping hot Oolong Tea. You collect your Chinese calligraphy tools, your writing notebooks, your magazine or current book. You step out onto the terrace, yes, the terrace, place your goods on the patio furniture, breathe in the fresh air, sip the bitter Oolong Tea and take in the vast mountain vista laid out before you. The Chi is strong here.

Logistics. How does this move benefit my life? Well, for starters, my commute has dramatically decreased in the recent weeks, saving me almost seven hours of commuting in one WEEK and over $30.00 US in traveling expenses in one month. It takes no Einstein to balance that equation. Price-wise, it is a bit more expensive. In my last flat, I was coughing up about NT$9,000 a month, including water, gas, and management. Tackle on the internet charges, cable, and the traveling, I was paying about NT$11,000 month for the apartment. In US terms, we are looking at about $330 a month. A steal, I know. In my new apartment, I pay New Taiwan $12,500 including internet, water, and management (my landlord takes out my trash for me!). Including traveling, I pay about New Taiwan $13,000, which comes out to being about $390 US per month. So, with a mountain view and available hikes that includes the comforts of the city, my very own apartment (no roommates, just me baby!) and bathroom, and a very easy commute, the choice came down to a matter of $60 per month. For me, my time is worth a lot more than that, so the choice was even easier than choosing which type of sauce to go with my lunchtime dumplings.

Other Acquisitions- In US Dollars

• A new hard drive and laptop mouse- less than $60.

• iPod Speakers- $3

• Bicycle- $0 (a gift, things aren't THAT cheap)

• Giant Bonzai Plant- which is not just a regular plant- $15. (And by not regular plant, I mean it is a large pot with a collection of artistically designed bonzai plants numbering in total to four, resulting in a refreshing and spirited Feng Shui.)
• Nifty umbrella with a telescopic plastic case perfect for unwanted dripping- $3

From your very happy, home is where the heart is kind of guy, Michael.

On a post-scripted note, I would like to comment on my last post. If you didn't catch the sardonic tone in which I wrote "Oh, the Humanity," I would like to clarify that there is no ketchup shortage in Taiwan. There are only stingy shop owners that are too cheap to give you more than one packet unless you ask for one. Well, this writer has more dignity than to beg for any ketchup. I would rather suffer and eat my ketchup plain, thank you!

Oh the Humanity...

Hoard your ketchup! Stock up on mustard! Preserve all your, well, preservatives! There appears to be a condiment crisis in Taiwan. If you should venture into any McDonald's, Burger King, or KFC in the city, I hope you like your french fries plain. There are no baskets containing the packets of red, yellow, and bbq colored sauces. Oh no! These packets are rationed out as one to two per customer depending on the piety of the store manager. Try eating a super-sized helping of golden McDonald's french fries with just one tiny squirt of tomato sauce. It debilitates the taste buds.

This epidemic was only made worse when a friend of mine and I went to a nice restaurant and ordered a large helping of fries to be shared. When it arrived with no ketchup, we requested some from our waitress. Expecting a bottle, squeezey-thing, or at least a small paper cup of ketchup, we we dismayed when she returned with one, tiny packet- containing enough ketchup that covered maybe five to ten lucky fries- to be shared between us. Apparently ketchup is in high demand these days in Taipei and the problem is only getting worse.

Tomato sauce related products are experiencing a price boost due to this limited supply. According to the Taipei Times, a reputable English newspaper in Taipei, Pizza is being target specifically for a cost hike. It writes, " Cheese sandwiches and pizzas may no longer be a cheap snack...It is bad news for pizza chains and Britain's fromage lovers who have enjoyed four years of the price remaining stable. But no more." Clearly, businesses are coping as best they can with this tragedy. And no other demographic has been hit harder than the Asian-Italian community. "For the owners of Italian restaurants, the massive price increases could not have come at a worse time. Wheat prices are also soaring, sending the cost of pasta spiralling."

Mmmm... spiral pasta...

How can you help? Donations. Please go to your McDonald's, your Wendy's, your In and Out Burgers, your Jack-in-the-Boxes. Go to where the ketchup runs freely, where there are no tyrants regulating your daily intake of preserved ketchup consumption. Write to your senators and make sure they are aware of this national problem. Together, we can make a world where people are not measured by the number of ketchup packets they take, but by the number of french fries they can dip.

Lost in Translation

A few weeks ago, I went to the Anhe Night Market for some tasty sausages and tomatoes stuffed with plums. For dessert, I was fortunate enough to taste a Taiwan treat known as Shein Tsao. This dessert is a concoction of grass jelly, jam pearls, and Taro balls mixed with sweet cream. I was so taken with this dish, I returned for another helping the following night.

Fast forward to last week. I was at dinner with a Taiwanese friend and some other friends. I told them I had the most delicious food the other day for dessert, and surely, they wanted to know what it was. I told them I had Shein Tao, leaving out that crucial "s" between the "t" and the "ao". Now to the untrained ear, the pronunciation appears to be identical. However, to the Chinese ear, there is an enormous difference. Basically, I didn't tell my friend that I had a delicious dessert, but instead, that I got "breast enlargements".

But miscommunication goes both ways, you know. In class, not so long ago, I was playing a game called "Teacher Says" which is essentially the same as "Simon Says" but simpler so you don't have to explain to the children who Simon is. Well, I gave what I thought to be a simple command- put your hands in the air. All the hands went up. Then I said, put your foot in the air. Most feet went up right away, but one girl, instead of putting her foot in the "air", put her foot, well actually, attempted to put her foot, in her "ear".

First Night

Have you ever seen a building explode? Well, on New Year's Eve in Taipei, that is essentially what what happens. On Taipei 101, the world's second tallest building (beaten out by a building in Dubai which has yet to open), they stack an enormous amount of gun powder, explosives, and fireworks and set them off in a display that dazzles the senses.

Let me set the stage for you. You arrive to the area around Taipei 101 called New York, New York, along with about 3,000,000 other people and vie for a good viewing location to see the light show. Concerts are playing, fireworks are shooting out over the crowd, even companies are beaming ads onto 101 with their expensive laser system. On 101, the lights are designed so that it reads, "I love Taiwan," (You have to love the government of Taiwan that they can still make a political gain amidst the celebration.)

But the real show doesn't begin until 10 seconds before midnight. At this point, the entire building goes black, and with each passing second a section of the building lights up until it reaches the top where "2008" is brightly advertised and then...

...bang...

Literally, the entire night sky lights up around you. Impressive fireworks are shot off from the corners and sides of the building in a synchronized display of explosive art. As the fireworks soar over your head, you think to yourself, "So, what's the big deal about a tiny little ball dropping in Times Square?" Seriously, these people know how to ring in the New Year!

On the walk home, which took some time as there were millions of people gazing at the spectacle, we took a path that was roped off during the show. And for a good reason too- on the street were thousands of burning materials remaining from the fireworks. It was a miracle none of them went shooting off into the crowd toasting an unsuspecting bystander.

All in all, a splendid way to ring in the New Year.

So with that, we two have paddled in the stream, from morning sun till dine. But seas between, us broad have soared since auld lang syne, Michael.

Well it's a Marvelous Night for a Moon Dance

Two weekends ago, I took off on a second overnight trip to a stunning portion of Taiwan called Sun Moon Lake. It is called as such due to it's shape- on one side of the lake, the coast line jets out like a blooming sun, while on the other side, the lake takes a crescent shape. While the Sun side is the larger side, the moon side is in the seventh house, while another side looks like Jupiter, aligning with Mars, and they say on clear nights, that peace will guide the planets, and love will steer the stars. But this is only folk lore according to locals and The Fifth Dimension.

But, with all cheesy 70s lyrics aside, the trip was rather enjoyable. We began the evening with a traditional aboriginal dinner as displayed in the photograph below. The delights came complete with wild boar and shrimp from the lake (which I changed to salad)!


With the completion of our tasty meal, we retired for an early night because we had a long, and early, day the next day. And just how early you ask? Well, somewhere in the vicinity of 5:30 AM. I didn't even know that there was a 5:30 AM! But we woke up met our personal driver for the weekend (more on him to come), and he drove us up to the top of a mountain to see the sunrise over the lake and surrounding mountains. We arrived just as the silhouettes of the mountains could be discerned in the distance.
Shifting colors blending into amorphous shapes. Until, finally, the landscape could be made out. Mountains and hills dotted the scenery. Engulfed by ancient fog, lush tea plantations stretched up out of the fog as if to greet the sun with us.
The air was cold and fresh. We waited a long time for the sun- because it came up from behind a mountain. But when it did, beams of light were cast upon the lake, and tea, and fog filling our eyes with color and life. What a show!


Our driver then drove us back down the mountain. Now, I am sure you are wondering- how did you get a driver? Well, we told the hotel that we didn't have any transportation and asked if that would be a problem. The manager said, "Of course not, my husband can drive you around anywhere! Including to see the sunrise at 5:30 in the morning." I'm sure the old man was saying to himself, again and again, "For better or worse, for better or worse, till death do us part... hmmmm, death...." But, as it went, we had our own personal driver.


Our next stop was an Aboriginal Cultural Amusement Park, with one side dedicated to recreating the lifestyles of the Taiwanese aboriginal civilizations, while the other part of a class B amusement park with moderate thrill rides. Some parts were a bit of a knock off from Disney, with rides like Space Mountain and Splash Mountain, and the Monorail, but it was OK. We did go up a gondola and had a spectacular view of the mountainous region around Sun Moon Lake.

After our driver picked us up, he took us to a pottery class where I made a bowl. I made and carved everything. On one side is a moon, while on the other is a sun, for Sun Moon Lake. In the center is a Chinese proverb, roughly meaning that one hopes there will always be harvest left after one season to cultivate a new one the next. Or, as we should understand it, "May this bowl always be filled with food."


After that it was a dinner and a night walk around the lake before bed.

The next day, we were given free tickets to take a boat tour around the lake, stopping off at temples, islands, and the floating homes of fisherman. In the center of the lake is a sinking island. For the aboriginal people, this is a sacred island and sadly it is disappearing. When the Japanese controlled the island, they damned up part of the lake, causing the waters to rise and swallowing the majority of the island. Then, about ten years ago, Taiwan experienced a deadly earthquake that sent almost the rest of the island to the bottom of the lake. Serious conservation efforts are underway to protect the island. This photo is what is left of the holy ground.


After the boat tour, we boarded a bus and made our way back to Taipei to renew and refresh after a long and wonderful trip to the center of Taiwan. So with that, I wish you a happy new year from your Sun Moon Lake black tea drinking, bad joke making blogger extraordinaire, Michael.

The Christmas Spirit

I am about to embark on my first Christmas away from friends and family. Aside from the occasional homesickness, I am reminded this holiday season of all the things I am thankful for in Taiwan. So, without further ado, I present my holiday list of that which I am thankful for:

1) I am thankful for our pirated HBO cable box left by our apartment's previous tenants. We don't know how it's paid for, but the movie channels are there!

2) I am thankful for the restaurants that give me English menus.

3) I am thankful for my health and happiness and blah blah blah...

4) I am thankful for the donut man that works near my school.

5) I am thankful for my classes, and the great amount of... money... they provide me.

6) I am thankful for Bus 278 and 284, both of which take me from my house to my school without a transfer.

7) I am especially thankful for the last entry when I am particularly lazy.

8) I am thankful for bottled water and free public restrooms (nasty dig on France).

9) I am thankful for caller ID, so I can screen my calls.

10) I am thankful for poutine, and its surprising popularity in Taiwan.

12) I am thankful for the number eleven.

13) I am thankful for sub tropical climates where there is no snow that must be shoveled.

This holiday season has been particularly memorable. Much change has taken place in my life- some for good, some for bad- and it is nice to know that there are people around me here and on the other side of the world that care enough to send me letters, packages, e-mails, and many other forms of communication that brighten my day. With that, I would like to conclude with an anecdote from one of my classes.

How I hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season!

Now please don’t ask why, no one quite knows the reason.

It could be my marker cap wasn’t screwed on quite right.

It could be, perhaps, that my grades were too light!

But I think that the most likely reason of all

May have been that my heart was two sizes too small.

But,

Whatever the reason,

My heart or my grades,

I stood there on Christmas Eve (week), hating the Taiwanaise!

Staring down at the children with a sour, teacher frown

At the warm lighted smiles from the old teachers’ lounge.

For I knew every student in the classroom beneath

Was busy now, hanging a mistletoe wreath.

“And they’re hanging their stockings!” I snarled with a sneer.

“Next week is Christmas! It’s practically here!”

Then I growled, with my teacher fingers nervously drumming,

“I MUST find a way to keep Christmas from coming!”

For, in class, I knew…

All the Taiwanese girls and boys

Would get in class bright and early. They’d rush for their toys!

And then! Oh the noise! Oh, the noise! Noise! Noise! Noise!

Then they would start on the dumplings, and sit down to feast,

And the Taiwanese beast was something I couldn’t stand in the least!

And THEN

They’d do something I liked leased of all,

Every Taiwanese child, the tall and the small,

Would stand close together, and throw the sticky ball!

And they’d throw and they’d throw!

And the more I thought of the Taiwanese-Sticky ball-Throw

The more I thought, “I must stop this whole show!”

“Why for five months I’ve put up with it now!

I MUST stop Christmas from coming!

…But HOW?”

Then I got an idea!

An awful idea!

I got a WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!

“I know just what to do!” I laughed in my throat.

And I made a quick Santy Clause hat and a coat.

And I chuckled, and clucked, “What a great Teacher trick!

With this coat and this hat, I’ll look just like Saint Nick!”

“All I need is a reindeer…”

Then I looked around.

But since reindeer are scarce, there was none to be found.

Did that stop me at all?

“No!” I had simply said,

“If I can’t find a reindeer, I’ll make on instead!”

So I called my “TA” Amber. Then I took some red thread

And I tied a big horn on top of her head.

Then I said, “Giddyap!”

And we went into class

Toward the children all snoozing,

Asleep on their….. seats.

All their noses were snoring. They slept without care.

All the Taiwanese children were dreaming of sticky balls in mid-air

When I came to the first child in the room.

“This is stop number one,” I laughed and I hissed

And I climbed on the desk, empty bags in my fist.

Then I slithered and slunk, with a smile like a fool,

Around the whole room, and I took every teaching tool.

Sticky balls! Magnets! Hammers! And Markers!

Checkerboards! Basketballs! Bells! Cards! And Parkas!

Then I slunk to the backpacks. I took the kids’ feast!

I took the dumplings, and the Taiwanese beast!

And I threw all the goodies outside with glee!

“And NOW!” grinned I, “I will eat all the candy!”

And I grabbed all the candy, and I started to chow,

When I heard a small sound, like the moo of a cow.

And I turned around fast, and I saw a Taiwanese-ette,

Little Sonic-Lego Chu, who was not more than two.

I had been caught by this little Taiwanese daughter

Who’d got up from her seat for a cup of cold water.

She stared at me, and said, “Santy Claus, why,

“Why are you taking our Taiwanese treats? WHY?

But, you know, I was so smart and so slick

I thought up a lie, and I thought it up quick!

“My, my sweet little tot,” I admit, I had lied,

“There’s a lick on this treat that has no taste on one side.

So I’m taking it home to my workshop, my dear.

“I’ll make it taste right. Then I’ll bring it back here.”

And my fib fooled the child. Then I patted her head.

And I got her a drink and I sent her to bed.

And when Sonic-Lego Chu went to bed with her cup,

I went to the door, determined not to give up.

Then the last thing I took,

Was the marker board dust.

And I went out the door myself, the old liar.

On the walls I left nothing but hooks, and some wire.

And the one speck of food

That I left by the post

Was a crumb that was too small for even a cockroach.

It was quarter past four…

And all the children, still a snoozin’

Left enough time for a trip to the pub

And some boozin’.

Then back on the bus, and I went to School Shane

With a slight alcohol induced type of Migraine

“Pooh-pooh to the Taiwanese!” I was evilly humming.

“They’re finding out now that no Christmas party is coming!

“They just waking up! I know just what they’ll do!

“Their mouths will hang open a minute or two.

“Then all the children down in the classroom with all cry BOO-HOO!”

“That’s a noise,” I grinned with delight,

“That I simply must hear!”

So I paused. And I put a hand to my ear.

And I did hear a sound rising over the neon street signs’ glow

It started in low. Then it started to grow…

But the sound wasn’t sad!

Why, this sound sounded merry!

It couldn’t be so!

But WAS merry! VERY!

I starred in the classroom!

Then I popped my eyes!

Then I shook!

What I saw was a shocking surprise!

Every child in the classroom, the tall and the small,

Was throwing! Without sticky balls at all!

I HADN’T stopped the Christmas party from coming!

It came!

But somehow or other, they all looked insane!

And I, with my feet ice cold in the glow,

Stood puzzling and puzzling: “How could it be so?

“It came without flashcards! It came without stickers!

“It came without golf clubs, blocks, clocks, or tickers!”

And I puzzled three minutes, till my puzzler was sore.

Then I thought of something I hadn’t before!

“Maybe sticky ball,” I thought, “doesn’t come from a store.

“Maybe sticky ball…perhaps…means a little bit more!”

And what happened then…?

Well… in Taipei they say

That my very small heart

Grew three sizes that day!

And the minute my heart didn’t feel quite so tight

I whizzed in the room through the fluorescent bulbs’ light

And I brought back the candy! And the sticky ball to show.

And I…

…I MYSELF…!

I threw out the first throw!

From your Christmas loving, Dr. Seuss apologizing Santy Claus Grinch, Michael.

Season of the Silver Grass

In the autumn and early winter months, the Taiwanese like to take to the mountains freeing themselves from the carbon-monoxide laden poisons wafting down the streets of the city. (Ironically, by driving there, they just bring the deadly fumes along!) But if the fresh air can't entice you out of the city for a day of clean living, perhaps the scenery can.

Without traffic, an hour long bus ride will take you into the mountainous regions around Keelung (where I had my first tasty helping of squid balls, if you recall). As New England is famous for its foliage, this place has silver grass spotted along the mountains, dashing it with splendid colors of riches and grace. Contrasted brightly against these sweeping silver vistas is the vibrant blue ocean which, surprisingly, is gold at some times!! Oh yes, if riches be your interest, go no further my friends for thar be gold in these here mountains!

Upon arriving in this mountains, we were lucky enough to take a tour bus to five equally exciting, and equally stunning, points of interest. The first stop was a temple with the largest bronze statue of GuanGong in Southeast Asia. This is probably because there is a sausage stand right outside the temple, and if I was a God living next to that sausage stand, I would probably be the biggest statue too! They were sooooo good.

After the temple, it was a short walk in Heaven (literally, we passed through a gate demarcating the boundary between Heaven and Earth) to a small board walk clutching desperately to the side of a mountain. In turn, we were clutching desperately to the side of the boardwalk so we wouldn't fall off! Our perilous journey was rewarded (if you believe it actually was perilous, then all the power to you!) as we were offered stunning views of the mountain, silver grass, and of course, the Gold Ocean.

At the base of the mountain, there is an outlet where a stream lets into the ocean. The stream collects a sufficient number of minerals along its way that happen to be gold colored. Well, all these minerals are deposited into the sea resulting in a gold ocean. That isn't a beach you're looking at in the picture, that's gold in those waters!

But where does all this gold come from? The gold comes from the mountain, turning everything along the way a shiny gold color. At one point, the river billows over a cliff side resulting in a most breathtaking natural phenomenon- a Gold Waterfall. Set against the silver grass, it was like we were in a Burl Ives song. (I had to ask my mom who wrote the song "Silver and Gold." She really is the genius behind Taiwanablog.)

After the gold waterfall, we went down to an old smelting relic and then for a drive along the romantic highway. And with who better to share this romantic highway than with a very pretty girl- here is a photograph taken of Huiheng and me at the golden waterfall.

Once we got back to the first stop, we had some more Taiwanese sausages and then we decided to explore some of the areas around the Gold Ecological Park. We discovered that the park actually used to be an old Japanese mine where they would dig for gold in the mountains. Lucky for us, after a short stroll around the park and through blossoming cherry blossoms, we had the unique chance of entering the mine. Most people would say they "had" to wear hard hats. I, on the other hand, say I "got"to wear a hard hat. SO COOL! I looked like a real digger.

The mine was cramped and wet. There were times when the air circulation was poor, so I felt a little claustrophobic at times. And when water dripped on your face, you pulled a three stooges face wipe to get the the gross earth water out of your eyes. But when we exited the mine, we had ascended the mountain a bit, so we were greeted by a setting sun and a most romantic, and equally beautiful, view of the mountains and town lights below.

From your gold excavating, silver grass harvesting, water washing mountaineer of Keelung, Michael.