The Din Tai Fung Club

Din Tai Fung is a restaurant. No, actually, Din Tai Fung is an institution. Always a cue, always profess- ional service, always the best night out to dinner in Taiwan.

I was first attracted there when I had a dream about Xiao Long Bao, or pork steamed dumplings. Not long afterwards, I flipped through my little Taiwan guide to come across Din Tai Fung as highly recommended. After my first class, I went there for dinner. The dumplings were so good, I went again the next night. And the next night. And the next.

Pretty soon I was known around the restaurant almost as well as their famous dish, the steamed dumplings. I befriended most of the waitresses, most noticibly so Singing (who has a fantastic command of the English language and the beginning signs of an Australian accent). Over the weeks of eating there, the owner if Din Tai Fung began to take notice of my patronage.

One Wednesday night, after I helped myself to two baskets of dumplings, containing 10 each, Singing came up to me and asked if I wanted to join the owner for a private dinner that evening. Although I just stuffed myself silly on the dumplings, I enthusiastically accepted.

Abut 30 minutes prior to the start of the Dinner, the owner, Mr. Yang, joined me upstairs and we chatted for a little bit. I used what Chinese vocabulary I had and he used what English vocabulary he had to introduce ourselves.

It wasn't long before 10 o'clock rolled around and Mr. Yang's friends started to join us- doctors, lawyers, high society and Taipei's elite were sitting around a table at an exclusive dinner gathering at one of the most famous restaurants in Asia (with locations in Japan, China, Korea, Indonesia, Australia, USA, Hong Kong, etc). Politics, sports, and general ideas were naturally discussed. People were cerainly interested in where I came from. Surprisingly, nearly all of them had studied in Boston at one time or another.

The food was delicious, and consequently, not on the menu. The conversations evolved into comraderie and with the excellent french wine served (nothing outside Bordeaux and nothing under ten years of age). Soon enough, Mr. Yang told me that I was like his brother and that I was invited to all of their Wednesday evening gatherings and to the global Din Tai Fung corporate party on April 8th. Obviously, I was very honored. He even gave me VIP status, precluding me from the wait at the restaurant. This means that, on heavy trafficked weekends when the queue can last over 100 people, I will automatically be bumped to the front.

So now, I join Mr. Yang and his social circle every Wednesday night for good food, excellent taste in wine, and a tempered display of happiness and joyful dining. I have even joined Mr. Yang on private lunches around Taipei to glorious Thai restaurants with his family and other Chinese restaurants that have garnered fame (it's interesting to see where the owner of the most famous restaurant in Asia eats out).

Until next time, your VIP carrying Xia Long Bao loving, Din Tai Fung idolizing, new friend found revelling, Michael.

Something's Brewing

Sometimes knowing only a few words in Chinese is much more dangerous than knowing no words in Chinese. My Taipei brothel adventure is a perfect example of that.

On a regular winter's evening, I decided to head off to an older part of the city in the Longshan Temple area. With a quick return to the old temple, I proceeded on over to the famed night market that is affectionately known as snake alley. (Locals try to convince me it is called snake alley because of the snake shops, snake charmers, and snake cuisine, but the conspicuous presence of sex and dildo shops may convince me otherwise!)

After some great hearty meals (no cobra this time), I decided I wanted to get some tea and enjoy the evening. As I walked passed an alley, I looked down and saw row upon row of tea houses. Although I couldn't make out the characters on the building, I did recognize the character for tea and decided this would be my best bet.

I walked down the alley and entered the first tea house. I politely told them that I wanted a table for one. The lady behind the counter looked at me and then gave me a sassy but sexy "oooohhhhh". That was very strange, but what was even more strange was that I saw no tables in this tea house. I did notice that there was a staircase so I assumed the tea settings were upstairs. But just to be safe I asked them if they had any tea. They told me they had something called "Pao Cha".

Backing up in my times here in Taiwan, I remember going to a tea house in Mao Kong and I remember someone telling me about Pao Cha. In reality, "pao cha" means to brew tea. But, lost in translation, I thought that Pao Cha was actually a type of tea that I was drinking. The type of tea I was drinking was cal Bao Jhong Cha, or Iron Goddess tea and it made me absolutely crazy- a hypered and drunk altereation of my state of mind.

Recalling my experience with my last "pao cha" I told the young lady behind the country of this tea house in Longshan that I didn't want pao cha. I asked if she had any green tea, as this is usually all I can handle late at night. She looked at me a little puzzled, and then said, "Not a teahouse." Odd response, I thought, as it clearly said tea outside, so I went to the next one. The same drill ensued where I asked if they had green tea and they told me it wasn't a tea house.

Frustrated, I walked back outside straight into a group of "ladies of the night". These gals were pretty aggressive but they all kept saying the same thing: "pao cha? pao cha?" Now some lights were going off. I looked back into the "tea houses" and noticed men running from one room to the next with young women half dressed behind them. It was then I realized that I wasn't in a tea house, but a brothel and they weren't making tea- they were making something that wasn't on the menu!

It didn't take me long to scurry out of that little area and back into the safety of the snake charmers and sex stores. From your friend in Taiwan after his first and only visit to a brothel, your pao cha double entendre gentleman of the evening, Michael.

St. Valentine on Speed

For those celebrating Singles Awareness Day on February 14th, there was another option in Taiwan. Hosted by our lantern festival friends at Language Cafe and by yours truly at Reach to Teach, there was an evening of speed dating. Initially against the idea, I ended up finding myself in that long line of eligible bachelors chatting away the hours with an equally long line of young maidens. I found myself in this predicament when language cafe called me in a panic a few days before the event telling me they didn't have enough foreign guys coming. I dialed all the single men on my cell phone and between a friend of mine and I, we rounded up all the necessary numbers, but still short one. Without any real viable options, I told them I would be happy to join the games. Although I was lying, I was also fooling myself- turns out it was a lot of fun!

The speed dating event was at a local 60s bar. Naturally, the men gravitated towards the other guys as the women were mostly too frightened to chat it up with the gents. The whole event was just like a Junior High School dance- awkward and promising, yet ultimately leading no where.


The event started with all the guests taking their seats. Then, to mix things up, all the men were instructed to move two chairs to their left and turn on their charisma! As I looked across at my first date, I noticed something odd. There was something about her that wasn't present about all the other women. Or should I say, something was lacking about her. Lacking so much that she wasn't there at all- my first date was late and so I was stuck staring at a Bob Marley poster. I think I might be the only guy in history to have me "speed date" stand me up!

But five minutes passed and I moved onto my next (first) conversation. The conversation took place 50/50 in Chinese and English. I found it great practice as I got to ask the same questions in Chinese over and over again- "What do you do?" "What do you like to do for fun?" "Do you like the right side of the left side of the bed?" Really standard first date items! As my confidence built up, I became more adventurous in my Chinese conversation. In fact, I even conducted three or four five minutes dates ENTIRELY in Chinese. That was a solid victory.


At the end, we had to choose our top three picks of the evening and if there were matches, they would hook the folks up. Of the 20 couples or so, there were 9 matches and I was one of them. I gave my date a present (a box of Aunt Stella Valentine cookies) and she gave me a Lilo and Stitch tape measure (apparently for the sexual innuendo...). The night finished off with an all you can drink open bar and some dancing at a night club.

From your Taipei hustler with 20 dates in one night kind of guy, Michael.

The Lantern Festival

If there are some memories I can ascribe to Pingxi it would be: rain, fighting, crazy old women trying to hit on me, and the worst train ride in the history of the planet. So, what would convince me to return to this forsaken area northeast of Taipei on what the forecast had predicted would be another rainy day? To accomplish what I set out to do exactly one year ago: to see the Pingxi Heavenly Lanterns set off into the night sky. And for all the rain and crowds and ungodly waits, the spectacle was entirely worth it.


The day started off as any day should- a Chinese Lantern making class. Run by the competent minds at Language Cafe, this was a two hour long session about the Chinese Lanterns, their legend, how they were made and and what they symbolize today. Following a short presentation on what one traditionally paints on their lanterns, we were given our own kits complete with paintbrushes, paint and rough sketches of various orchids, bamboo and chrysanthemum flowers to paint on our lanterns.


Choosing a more symbolic approach, I decided to begin with my rendition of Taipei 101. Architecturally structured after bamboo, I found this to be a perfect design to capture the simplicity of the ancient lantern while incorporating a modern element. This, I find, juxtaposes Taiwan's naturally competing forces of preserving a rich history and the demand for a progressive future. That, and Taipei 101 was easier to draw than bamboo.


Around the lantern, I included scenes of a horribly painted flower, the city skyline surrounding Taipei 101 and the lanterns set off at Pingxi, the evening's final destination. But even with my atrocious art skills, I was enjoying my painting class, which nostalgically set me back about 15 years in Kindergarten seriously attemping a Monet a la finger paints. Now that I think about it, I can't remember the last real arts and crafts time I partook in.

Once our lanterns were completed, and left to dry, we were split into four groups where we set up a large lantern that we were going to set off in Pingxi later that evening. In my group was a foreign guy from Canada and two very lovely ladies from Taiwan. Each of us wrote our wishes on the lantern. Mine consisted of five words, "I wish for a vacation." After we wrote our wishes, our foreign friend informed us that he couldn't join us on our trip to Pingxi as he had a prior engagement. That left me alone with the two lovely young women. Already, this lantern festival was shaping up quite nicely.


We boarded the bus by Taipei Zoo, strategically avoiding the trains, and zipped along down to Pingxi. The crowds were absolutely massive! As a "painting class" we went down to the elementary school to set off our lanterns. In the light drizzle, some lanterns proved to be unsuccessful. Ours happened to be in that category. Fortunately, countless more had much more luck as their lanterns sailed seamlessly into the night sky.

At anytime, there had to be about 100 lanterns dotting the night sky. The rain ceased, allowing us decent views of the heavenly drifters. At times, your mind played tricks on you and you thought there were only countless stars floating amorphously about, before dropping out of view. Just then, an ahhh over took the street crowd as hundreds of lanterns were sent of from a distance at once. The lantern festival had begun.

My group and I climbed the stairs to the place where the ceremony took place. We gathered around a massive square where people were being led into the center by festival organizers. I fought my way through the crowd and photographers to get an upclose view of these lanterns. It wasn't long before the lights shut off and the lanterns were lit. Suddenly, the music swelled, the signal was given, and the lanterns were released en masse. The sight of hundreds of lanterns being released into the night sky is an image one holds close to one's heart, for ever and ever.

The magnificent show was repeated about ten or fifteen times each with a celebration of a different theme. The Mexican Lanterns were released following a Mexican dance, the Japanese Lanterns were released after a Japanese ceremony, and so on. We were even delighted by the appearance of Taiwan's President, President Ma, who made some remarks about the event. I couldn't help but think how nice it is to go to a massively popular event featuring the country's president and NOT have to go through even one security checkpoint.

After a number of releases, my friends and I went down to the food stalls for some traditional Taiwanese night snacks including pigs blood, kebabs, various meats, Chicken butts and all sorts of surprisingly delicious treats. The evening was capped off with a wonderful surprise when a group of teenagers set off a lantern with some firecrackers attached to the end of it. The lantern didn't get enough upward lift at first and hovered dangerously low over a police car before continuing on skyward bound.

A nearby police office watched in horror as these fireworks were exploding over his car. As soon as the lantern was a safe distance away, he rushed over to his beloved automobile, whipped out his flashlight, spotted it on his car, and noticed a large burned mark. He turned around and yelled, half jokingly, half angrily, "They burned my car! They burned my car!"


I am sure you're sad you missed this exceptionally moving experience, as it had to be one of the most visually gratifiying moments of my life. Well, you can also set off your own virtual lantern (and please the environmentalists who are never to happy about the massive ecological mess the lanterns make on this day) by going to waste26.epa.gov.tw/skylight.

But back to the burned car. After that, we waited two hours in line for a bus ride back to Taipei where we dreamed of skyward lanterns dashing the skies with our hopes and wishes. From your lantern fesitvaller who will not be able to take a vacation this year because of failed lantern, Michael.

Year of the Ox

We're going into the final stages of the Chinese New Year. The midnight firework sonata is approach- ing its finale, storefronts are reopening after a mid-winter hiatus, and the promise of a warm and sunny springtime is now just a month away.

This was a marvelous Chinese New Year- an absolute tenfold improvement over last year, even though I got a full weeks vacation last year and this year none. So what was the massive upgrade all about? I was able to spend it with my family.

I love telling people that I have family here in Taiwan. The first reaction is always, "cool" followed by a puzzled look, as if they're wondering, "wait now, he's not Taiwanese... is he?" I then explain my relations here and then the former reaction is again expressed.

This year I headed to Taipei County in an up and coming section called Bancqiao. I was greeted by my cousin, Yuhsin, who took me up to meet her family for the second time as dinner was just being laid out on the table. Yuhsin, her two parents, her brother and his new wife, her sister with Lily and Zoe and of course Tia (my only blood relative), were all in attendance for this feast.



They had asked if I wanted to know what I was eating. Taking the advice from my cousin Stevie who is an expert at this, told me to eat first and find out later. This is generally a good rule in Asia as ignorance opens up whole new worlds of culinary delights. Some of the highlights of the evening was the "Buddha Jumps Over the Fence" soup (named because, even though Buddha is a vegetarian, legend says the soup is so good that Buddha jumped the wall to try the soup which has meat in it), a fish which is only placed on the table for show and is NOT to be eaten, an array of pork knuckles, fish eggs, chicken strips and my favorite, a sticky rice type of dessert.


With out stomaches sufficiently stuffed of extremely traditional Taiwanese food, we retired over to the living room where it was time to warm up the old vocal chords. With their own KTV set up, and a selection of English songs rivaling a professional KTV parlor, this was one exciting evening. I serendaded the crowds with some Proud Mary and other classic hits, but the grammy really needs to go to Yuhsin's parents who were pretty good with that old mic!


The night came to an end and Yuhsin's brother dropped me off at the MRT station. But first, I got a surprise tour of Yuhsin's family convenience store. I was a little apprehensive on how well they must do as a store because a 7-11 was right across the street from them. However, I could hardly believe when, during that ten minute tour of their store on Chinese New Year's Eve (equivalent to Christmas Eve), that store saw a steady stream of at least 10-15 customers. Of course, they proved themselves to be a mighty power for the 7-11 to compete with.


I would choose this place over 7-11 if for any reason but to purchase the traditional Taiwanese candies they sell. In addition to some nougats, they also have this peanut butter stick encased in a glazed sugar. I can't describe to you how incredible this little morsel tasted except that the very large package I had brought home with me was gone within one day.

So until next time, from a blogger who is going to be using a lot more Chinese in his blogging, 新年快樂, Michael.

Here Comes the Bride

I have family here in Taiwan. On my mother's side, my Uncle married a girl named Clare who is absolutely wonderful, and I spent the day with her when I first arrived in Taipei. And on my father's side, my cousin married a girl from Taiwan who is equally wonderful. She is now in Taipei to visit family and friends, celebrate Chinese New Year, introduce her new daughter Tia Jade O'Neill to her family in Taiwan and celebrate her brother's wedding.

That means I got to join in for the ride on all these exciting Holiday traditions in Taiwan. How wonderful of her and her family to include me in on everything.

After our delicious lunch together at Ding Tai Fung when she first arrived, I didn't see her until the next weekend at her brother's wedding. Held in Bancqiao, it felt like I arrived for a massive feast to end all other feasts. I was greated again by my cousin and Tia at the door with open arms. She lead me down the bangquet hall where I met her father for the first time- and absolutely wonderful man!

Yuhsin, my cousin, showed me to my seat with two familiar faces- her nieces Zoe and Lily. These two girls have absolutely marvelous English skills on top of being the most gracious of hosts. A little silliness ensued, before the rest of the guests arrived and the show began.

The bride and groom took their seats at the main table while of procession of firework weilding individuals lead the way. This was the introduction to the most intriquing of weddings I have ever attended.

In the United States, weddings are solemn ceremonies, followed by a lavish dinner and dancing. Here, there is no dancing, but rather we are treated to a dinner and a show (apparently it is up to the bride and groom to entertain the guests). During our TWELVE COURSE MEAL, including food I have never before seen in my life, we were bedazzzled with light shows, speaches, videos, slideshows, Japanese drum performances, and a toast to the happy couple.

In the end, the evenin turned out to be truly spectacular. It felt like I was able to attend the wedding of my first cousins that I had unfortunately missed a number of years ago. On the way out, I gave my congratulations to the newly weds, met Yuhsin's mother (who made a flattering remark on my devilishly good looks) and took off for home.

From you wedding crasher of Taipei, Michael.

The Elephant's Head

One thing about Taipei is that it spoils even the stuffiest of hiking enthu- siasts! On one parti- cularly lazy morning, I found myself with a sudden urge to explore the mountains around Taipei. But the late hour would mean I wouldn't be on the trails until well in the older side of the afternoon. Fortunately, you don't actually have to leave the city to go hiking. Four animals mountain starts right at the base of Taipei 101, finding any late sleeper without an excuse as to why they aren't hiking that day.

The trek up Four Animals Mountain begins with a short introduction to the several species protected here. (Ironically enough, the four animals for which the mountains are named- Elephant, Tiger, Lion and Leopard- are not found in the park. They are named as such for the striking resemblance the mountains have for these four animals. Please note these names are also served with a heaping dose of imagination.) A former park ranger, I found this to be interesting and opted for a short read. One particular animal which caught my eye was the Taipei Tree Frog. A seemingly unspectacular creature at first, turns out to be amusingly interesting when one happens to glance at its Latin John Hancock: Rocophorus taipeianus. Sorry- not butt jokes here, I think the name speaks for itself.


Ok, now that we have gotten all that infantile humor out of the way, back to Four Animals Mountain. With my giggles shaken away, I proceeded up the main path to the first outlook in about fifteen minutes: Elephant's Head Mountain. This litterally scales an upward ascent parallel to Taipei 101, giving some outstanding views of the building and the city.


Furthermore, this vantage point allows you to see just how BIG Taipei 101 is compared to the surrounding buildings. Sometimes it's difficult to guage its height and the scale is somewhat vague when you stand right below it. But, from this angle, you can truly appreciate its massive worth.


The trek continued on, somewhat unimpressively, through the mountain tops before dispensing me in the western edge of the Xinyi district. I got home, cleaned up, and joined a few good friends for some delicious, albiet extremely expensive, pizza at NY Pizza Kitchen. From your late start to happy ending (more giggles?) hiker who never left the city except in spirit, Michael.