Sunday, January 27, 2008

Oh the Humanity...

Hoard your ketchup! Stock up on mustard! Preserve all your, well, preservatives! There appears to be a condiment crisis in Taiwan. If you should venture into any McDonald's, Burger King, or KFC in the city, I hope you like your french fries plain. There are no baskets containing the packets of red, yellow, and bbq colored sauces. Oh no! These packets are rationed out as one to two per customer depending on the piety of the store manager. Try eating a super-sized helping of golden McDonald's french fries with just one tiny squirt of tomato sauce. It debilitates the taste buds.

This epidemic was only made worse when a friend of mine and I went to a nice restaurant and ordered a large helping of fries to be shared. When it arrived with no ketchup, we requested some from our waitress. Expecting a bottle, squeezey-thing, or at least a small paper cup of ketchup, we we dismayed when she returned with one, tiny packet- containing enough ketchup that covered maybe five to ten lucky fries- to be shared between us. Apparently ketchup is in high demand these days in Taipei and the problem is only getting worse.

Tomato sauce related products are experiencing a price boost due to this limited supply. According to the Taipei Times, a reputable English newspaper in Taipei, Pizza is being target specifically for a cost hike. It writes, " Cheese sandwiches and pizzas may no longer be a cheap snack...It is bad news for pizza chains and Britain's fromage lovers who have enjoyed four years of the price remaining stable. But no more." Clearly, businesses are coping as best they can with this tragedy. And no other demographic has been hit harder than the Asian-Italian community. "For the owners of Italian restaurants, the massive price increases could not have come at a worse time. Wheat prices are also soaring, sending the cost of pasta spiralling."

Mmmm... spiral pasta...

How can you help? Donations. Please go to your McDonald's, your Wendy's, your In and Out Burgers, your Jack-in-the-Boxes. Go to where the ketchup runs freely, where there are no tyrants regulating your daily intake of preserved ketchup consumption. Write to your senators and make sure they are aware of this national problem. Together, we can make a world where people are not measured by the number of ketchup packets they take, but by the number of french fries they can dip.

Saturday, January 12, 2008

Lost in Translation

A few weeks ago, I went to the Anhe Night Market for some tasty sausages and tomatoes stuffed with plums. For dessert, I was fortunate enough to taste a Taiwan treat known as Shein Tsao. This dessert is a concoction of grass jelly, jam pearls, and Taro balls mixed with sweet cream. I was so taken with this dish, I returned for another helping the following night.

Fast forward to last week. I was at dinner with a Taiwanese friend and some other friends. I told them I had the most delicious food the other day for dessert, and surely, they wanted to know what it was. I told them I had Shein Tao, leaving out that crucial "s" between the "t" and the "ao". Now to the untrained ear, the pronunciation appears to be identical. However, to the Chinese ear, there is an enormous difference. Basically, I didn't tell my friend that I had a delicious dessert, but instead, that I got "breast enlargements".

But miscommunication goes both ways, you know. In class, not so long ago, I was playing a game called "Teacher Says" which is essentially the same as "Simon Says" but simpler so you don't have to explain to the children who Simon is. Well, I gave what I thought to be a simple command- put your hands in the air. All the hands went up. Then I said, put your foot in the air. Most feet went up right away, but one girl, instead of putting her foot in the "air", put her foot, well actually, attempted to put her foot, in her "ear".

Tuesday, January 1, 2008

First Night

Have you ever seen a building explode? Well, on New Year's Eve in Taipei, that is essentially what what happens. On Taipei 101, the world's second tallest building (beaten out by a building in Dubai which has yet to open), they stack an enormous amount of gun powder, explosives, and fireworks and set them off in a display that dazzles the senses.

Let me set the stage for you. You arrive to the area around Taipei 101 called New York, New York, along with about 3,000,000 other people and vie for a good viewing location to see the light show. Concerts are playing, fireworks are shooting out over the crowd, even companies are beaming ads onto 101 with their expensive laser system. On 101, the lights are designed so that it reads, "I love Taiwan," (You have to love the government of Taiwan that they can still make a political gain amidst the celebration.)

But the real show doesn't begin until 10 seconds before midnight. At this point, the entire building goes black, and with each passing second a section of the building lights up until it reaches the top where "2008" is brightly advertised and then...

...bang...

Literally, the entire night sky lights up around you. Impressive fireworks are shot off from the corners and sides of the building in a synchronized display of explosive art. As the fireworks soar over your head, you think to yourself, "So, what's the big deal about a tiny little ball dropping in Times Square?" Seriously, these people know how to ring in the New Year!

On the walk home, which took some time as there were millions of people gazing at the spectacle, we took a path that was roped off during the show. And for a good reason too- on the street were thousands of burning materials remaining from the fireworks. It was a miracle none of them went shooting off into the crowd toasting an unsuspecting bystander.

All in all, a splendid way to ring in the New Year.



So with that, we two have paddled in the stream, from morning sun till dine. But seas between, us broad have soared since auld lang syne, Michael.