Something's Brewing

Sometimes knowing only a few words in Chinese is much more dangerous than knowing no words in Chinese. My Taipei brothel adventure is a perfect example of that.

On a regular winter's evening, I decided to head off to an older part of the city in the Longshan Temple area. With a quick return to the old temple, I proceeded on over to the famed night market that is affectionately known as snake alley. (Locals try to convince me it is called snake alley because of the snake shops, snake charmers, and snake cuisine, but the conspicuous presence of sex and dildo shops may convince me otherwise!)

After some great hearty meals (no cobra this time), I decided I wanted to get some tea and enjoy the evening. As I walked passed an alley, I looked down and saw row upon row of tea houses. Although I couldn't make out the characters on the building, I did recognize the character for tea and decided this would be my best bet.

I walked down the alley and entered the first tea house. I politely told them that I wanted a table for one. The lady behind the counter looked at me and then gave me a sassy but sexy "oooohhhhh". That was very strange, but what was even more strange was that I saw no tables in this tea house. I did notice that there was a staircase so I assumed the tea settings were upstairs. But just to be safe I asked them if they had any tea. They told me they had something called "Pao Cha".

Backing up in my times here in Taiwan, I remember going to a tea house in Mao Kong and I remember someone telling me about Pao Cha. In reality, "pao cha" means to brew tea. But, lost in translation, I thought that Pao Cha was actually a type of tea that I was drinking. The type of tea I was drinking was cal Bao Jhong Cha, or Iron Goddess tea and it made me absolutely crazy- a hypered and drunk altereation of my state of mind.

Recalling my experience with my last "pao cha" I told the young lady behind the country of this tea house in Longshan that I didn't want pao cha. I asked if she had any green tea, as this is usually all I can handle late at night. She looked at me a little puzzled, and then said, "Not a teahouse." Odd response, I thought, as it clearly said tea outside, so I went to the next one. The same drill ensued where I asked if they had green tea and they told me it wasn't a tea house.

Frustrated, I walked back outside straight into a group of "ladies of the night". These gals were pretty aggressive but they all kept saying the same thing: "pao cha? pao cha?" Now some lights were going off. I looked back into the "tea houses" and noticed men running from one room to the next with young women half dressed behind them. It was then I realized that I wasn't in a tea house, but a brothel and they weren't making tea- they were making something that wasn't on the menu!

It didn't take me long to scurry out of that little area and back into the safety of the snake charmers and sex stores. From your friend in Taiwan after his first and only visit to a brothel, your pao cha double entendre gentleman of the evening, Michael.