One Squid, Two Squid...

I have returned from my trip to central-eastern Taiwan seemingly in one piece. I have yet to do roll call, but I am sure I would have noticed by now if something was missing. For those who did not read my last post, and are too lazy to scroll down and read it- Joe Larkin I'm looking in your direction- I took a 3 hour train ride to the fair city of Hualien.

Along the eastern coast of Taiwan, the train ride was spotted with dazzling cliff sides and impressive ocean vistas. The city of Hualien itself was nothing spectacular, in my opinion, but it did have a wide array of sites and sounds. In particular was a coastal night market, a pristine beach, and my favorite, a seafood/drinking hall. With beer bottles at NT$60, the evening was shaping up to be a birthday party part two. Only this time without Jeffrey.

After a few pints at the old beer tent, we stumbled over to another local bar and again found ourselves to be its only clientele. They told us they were having a BBQ in honor of the moon festival and asked us to join along! We delightfully accepted and ordered a few rounds of Taiwan Beer to toast the celebration. Well, the Taiwan beer was flowing when the owner asked us if we liked Taiwan food. Not knowing fully well what Taiwan food is, we said, "Yes, of course!" Well, plates came in our direction with fried squid balls, garlic raw oysters, pickled grapes, and BBQed chicken, beef, and tofu.

The land items were OK, but the seafood was NOT going to sit well with our beer. After a few nibbles on the squid ball, we knew we couldn't finish them. Creativity ensued. Our first attempt came when the owner wasn't looking. My friend stuffed a few balls into his shopping bag in hopes it looked like they were eaten. Next it was my turn, and I decided to take a more aquatic approach. I took two of the balls with me to the restroom (when the owner was out cooking, of course) and dropped the two squideroos down the John. I pulled the handle and sent those beasts back to the watery depths from which they came. Only, they didn't want to go back...

After creeping down the tubes for a few seconds, they popped back up to say hello. I tried again, but with the same result! Now what was I to do. Surely, if the owner came in a found his fried squid balls resting at the bottom of the squatter, there's no knowing the wrath of anger he would unleash. Suddenly, I had a flash of an idea. If you recall in my second post, I mentioned that in Taiwan, toilet paper is not flushed down the toilet, but thrown away into a garbage bucket adjacent to the hopper. Wonderful, if I could only figure out how to get those little squiddies out of the swirling crapper of doom. I reached for the toilet brush and was able to scoop them out with the poise and ingenuity of McGyver. I dropped the sea monsters into the trash and return to my table like nothing had happened. We escaped the rest of the evening free of any cultural faux pas (aside from taking the oysters out of their shells and putting them next to the garlic so it looked like we at them all.)

The next day included one of the most extraordinary sights I have seen to date. We arose early and took a bus to Taroko Gorge National Park. For those who have witnessed this massive gorge knows how hard it is to wrap one's mind around the sheer immensity of this place. I have included a set of photos, but it goes without saying that no photo can come close to capturing the brilliance of this natural resource.

After the gorge we returned home, which was good, because the following day a co-worker of mine threw a BBQ for the moon festival. Located in the northern edge of the city, in a section called Donghu, a group of us gathered on her roof for more food than one could imagine, beer, sparklers, and of course some moon gazing. Set against the Taiwanese city landscape, and among some of the finest folks I have met out here in the far East, I have to admit the moon watching was well worth it.

Well, that concludes my moon festival experiences. Check back soon for a very cool surprise. I will give you a hint- it's bright red and goes "vroom, vroom." Stay tuned.

From your squid flushing, barbecue bumming, seafood "gorging" traveller of Formosa, Michael.

Moon Cakes

Well, it's Saturday night (officially, the wee hours or Sunday morning) and tomorrow morning I head off for my first vacation to Hualian and Taroko Gorge for some much needed hiking, kayaking, and white-water rafting. I owe these days off to a mythical couple who, many years ago, were separated when the darling lass spiritually ascended to the moon. One day a year, the young mistress returns to her lover and to celebrate this extraordinary event, called the Moon Festival, we get the day off. This gives me my second three-day weekend in a row (last weekend was thanks to Typhoon Wipha which was mild in Taiwan but devastating in China) and thus forms my journey to Hualian.

In the weeks preceding the Moon Festival, it is customary for students to bring in gifts for their teachers. Moon Cakes are the traditional delicacies and every day I went to work looking forward to receiving my lunar pastries. But alas, days went by and no gifts were bestowed upon me. Disenchanted with the Moon Festival, I went into my last class heartbroken that no students of mine decided to celebrate this ancient love by giving me material goods. It will delight you, dear reader, I am sure, that when I had entered the class room, there was one student in the corner holding a bag from a bakery. With the thrill of a school boy, I hopped over to her and she handed me a bag of delicious, albeit store bought, moon cakes. They weren't very good, but at least I was thought of. This young girl has become my favorite student.

I know what you are thinking- choosing favorites is wrong. Well, I do it and you are probably reading this from the other side of the world so you have little effect over the course of events here. In one class, I actually rigged a game of musical chairs so that the littlest, cutest girl I had ever seen won the game. I know, I am despicable. But if you ever saw her, I am sure you would do the same thing.

Speaking of little children, I love how gullible they are. After performing some stunning magic tricks for them, one little girl asked me to float! Thinking she got me, I said "OK," and did this optical illusion where, if you stand on your toe from a certain angle, it looks like you are floating. Well, as I was "floating" in air, I heard nine little children behind me screaming, "Oh my God!!! He's flying!! He's flying in class!!! Oh my god!!!"

I turned around to the funniest thing I have seen in years. Nine little Taiwanese children standing on their tip-toes flapping their arms like wings trying to "fly" in class. Fantastic.

Well, it is the first night of the Moon Festival and I suppose I should partake in the celebrations. I am told that for the Moon Festival, people gather with their families outside and stare at the moon. For hours. Hmmm. I think I will go see what's on T.V. now.

Stay tune for my post-vacation post to Hualian. From you moon beaming, favorite seeking, magic floating genie of Asia, Michael.

A Very Merry Unbirthday

It's official! I celebrated the longest birthday of my life: 36 hours. I have to thank time differences for this one. You see, in Taiwan, when it turned 12 midnight on September 10, it was still 12 noon on September 9 in Boston, my home town. So, when it turned 12 midnight on September 11 in Taiwan, I still had another twelve hours of celebration to do in Boston. Ergo, a 36 hour birthday.

My birthday gift from the company was a six day work week. On my birthday I was on stand-by and got called in to work. This was no problem because I actually enjoy going to work! It's once I'm there that's the problem! Just kidding, I love this job. But anyways, when they called me, I went to the bathroom and turned on the shower to warm it up. At this time, a friend called to wish me a happy birthday. I answered the phone, we spoke a minute, and then hung up. However, when I returned to the shower, I forgot it was me who turned the water on. So, logically, I assumed someone else was in there. So I went back to my room and waited. Ten minutes went by and they still weren't done. Twenty minutes and no sign of finishing up. It wasn't until the half hour mark that I began to suspect foul play. Just then, a stroke of realization was sent down from the Heavens as I recalled that I was in the shower, or at least, I was suppose to be in the shower. After all these years, I can still get me! My second birthday gift was a cold shower.

I went to work and ended up teaching a kindergarten. The children were no older than four or five and hardly spoke any English. But for what they lacked in intelligence they made up for in spirit. They were so damn cute. At the end of the class, they sang happy birthday to me and gave me a big hug. It is moments like these, group hugs from Children, that transcend cultural barriers and melt even the iciest of hearts like mine. The emotion began to well up until I noticed one of the little girls was drooling on my tie. Emotion subsided. Irony ensued. Now I can't wait until I am a college professor so none of my students will drool on me. Well, none of my sober students, that is.

The day ended and then it was time to PARTY. Because it was my night, I got to choose the destination. It was not hard- the Taiwan Beer Brewery that serves pints of frosty Taiwan Beer at NT$60 a mug, or $2.00 US if we're playing with real money. I was the first to arrive with a friend of mine, which meant we had time to order dinner and several rounds of this delicious beer. I ordered the smoked chicken. Chopped up in to small pieces, I was digging this dish, until I came across the head of the chicken smoked and thrown in with all the rest. I covered it with a piece of lettuce and continued with my meal.

Please know that we would not have been able to do this evening on our own because the menu was in Chinese. When we got there, and the waiter discovered we did not speak any Chinese, he called his good friend Jeffery over- age: forty-two, nationality: Taiwanese, role: customer- to translate the menu. We told Jeffery we were here celebrating my birthday at which point he insisted on buy me drinks. We accepted. Eventually the party grew to about ten people or so and everyone had their drinks snuggled nicely to their lips. Various other Westerners joined our table because that was where the party was. At about 11:00, Jeffery decided he wanted to order the entire table a round. Excellent. The waiter brought everybody a drink and set them on the table. Some were still finishing their other drink, so there was a back up of beer set upon us. About ten minutes later, I was just about finished with my beer when Jeffery decided that we needed another round. He ordered it, and then there were at least twenty or twenty-five full beers on the table. Jeffery turned to me and said, in the manner of Confusius or Laozi, "Michael, you must drink those beers... It is your destiny."

After the Taiwan Beer Garden, we went to another bar and met up with about five or six other people that couldn't make it to the Garden. There we feasted on the finest Western foods imaginable- potato skins, fries, nachos, and of course, more Taiwan beer. Gift number three- the best night I have had so far in Taiwan. Thanks guys.

From your twenty-something, birthday romping, pace-maker packing, wheel chair lacking (thank god), birthday boy of the beer garden, Michael.

Big Earthquake Hits Taipei

Friday morning, at 1:51 AM, I experienced my first earthquake. Registering 6.5 on the Richter scale, this baby shook the building and woke up my flatmates. I was sitting at my computer, catching up on some e-mails, when I felt a rumble coming on. Thinking at first it was only a truck passing by, the rumbling got stronger and stronger until I noticed my shades were shaking and my clothes were rocking back and forth. Evidently, it was a big one.

Four minutes later, a 5.7 after shock came along, but that was mild compared to its older brother.

But what does a 6.5 earthquake mean? Major earthquakes are about 7.0 and higher. In December of 1999, an earthquake measuring 7.1 hit Taiwan killing more than 2,000 people. An earthquake between 6.0 and 6.9, nevertheless, is a big earthquake and can cause serious damage or casualties in a populated area- shattering glass, levelling buildings, disrupting communications, etc... So why didn't this big shaker create devastation? Well, it's epicenter was about 70 miles southeast of Taipei in the ocean. Fortunately, no tsunami developed.

From your rock and roller Elvis impersonator of natural disasters, Michael.

Small Vignettes of Great Importance

These notes from my island may seem inconsequential to some, but matter a great deal in the grand scheme of things. My good friend, Ingrid Wenzler, once told me that the finer moments in life were the smaller gestures and the subtler actions. I don't think she could be more right.

Let me start of with cute, and thus I turn to my students. In my advanced seminar, I assigned an essay where the students had to research and write about an event in the space race. One young lady, about 9 or 10, decided to write on an astronaut who happened to share the same name as the author of your favorite blog. When she turned it in, she did a masterful job- writing a page over the required amount, she developed an essay that was grammatically precise and quite informative as well. At the conclusion of the essay, she printed out a photograph of this young astronaut and included the caption below- "Dear teacher Michael O'Neill, you are much more handsome than he is!" She then drew her name in block letters around this caption and handed it in. Of course, she got an A!

At my school, my manager is like my own little Confucius. In addition to practising Chinese medicine on me in the school lobby, (basically she rubbed a quarter on my neck for about 5 minutes and applied tiger balm) she proffers to me sage advice as well. For example, she asked me one day, "Do you know any Chinese?" I told her that I knew how to say hello, thank you, yes/no, and long time, no see, but really my Chinese is non-existent. I then recalled that I knew one more phrase, but first I had to set it up. I informed her that my cousin came to Taiwan and married a girl and my uncle came to Taiwan and married a girl, so I knew how to say, "Ta se wo taitai" which means "she is my wife". Of course they got a good laugh out of this. But then my manager became very serious and said to me, "Michael, why have only one tree when you could have the entire forest." Ahh, Zen.

Sometimes in life, food takes precedent. Last weekend, my friends and I decided we needed some familiar food from home. So we rounded up the troops and had a Tai-pancakes party. My friend Kate and I were the chefs. Our first attempts were closer to scrambled pancakes, but then we got the hang of it and made some flavors that still dance upon our tongues today. The first batches were the traditional blueberry pancakes, but the second were something quite extraordinary. Using waffle batter instead of pancake batter, we added Cadbury malt balls and diced up bananas. Cooked to perfection, we smothered it with peanut butter, whipped cream, syrup, and more bananas. The evolution of this masterpiece is chronicled below. Warning- jealousy may ensue.

The Chefs

The Peanut Butter

The fruit is added

Oh yes, generous helpings of whipped cream. I would have done the entire can if someone didn't stop me...

Close-up of perfection

And yes, we eat pancakes with chopsticks in Taiwan

I conclude my vignettes with a transportation story. My ride home last night was particularly exceptional. I looked out the window and saw a man riding a scooter. Attached to the scooter was a trailer. In the trailer was a dog. And on the dog was a helmet!! Then, at one bus stop, an old woman was getting off the bus and pulling a small carriage behind her. She was a bit slow disembarking so it was no surprise when the bus doors closed on her lagging carriage! With her belongings trapped on the bus, she didn't let go! This didn't stop the bus driver from pulling away, dragging the old lady along with him. She started yelling, "HEY HEY HEY," I was horrified and yelling "STOP STOP STOP," The bus driver kept driving like nothing was wrong as the poor woman was trying desperately to keep up without losing her precious cargo. Thankfully, the doors opened and the carriage was freed, leaving the woman relatively unscathed as she walked away into the night.

And that does it for this installment of the taiwanablog. For those keeping score at home, the number of Dunkin' Donuts I have found is now up to five. Glory days. From your day dreaming, astronaut beating, hunk of the high seas, Michael.