Exporting America

Well, I have started; I officially have my first class of young Taiwanese students all to myself. I finally get to say all those things I have ever wanted to say like, "The bell doesn't excuse you, I excuse you," and "Johnny, please stop eating the paste," and "This is not a democracy people, I am the teacher." Such joy this power brings to me.

I am working in a neighborhood called Dong Hu, which is in the ritzy, northern section of Taipei. Instead of a McDonald's, they have a McCafe that serves gourmet sandwiches and caffe lattes. I think that level of pretentiousness indicates what kind of place this is, and how well I fit in. The school itself is called Dong Hu school. The name is not remarkably creative, but then again, the Taiwanese were never known for their creativity. For instance, their national beer is called "Taiwan Beer". I would like to have been in the room with the clever chaps who thought up that name.

My first day was a delight. I began with a private lesson with a student named Richard who is beyond brilliant. His English is marvelous and his attitude- remarkable. He is a delight to teach. I then teach a two hour advanced reading class in the afternoon. For some reason, these students think "eggs" are really funny, so I try to incorporate eggs into every class. Sometimes I laugh along with them, but most of the time I am laughing at them.

New topic, slightly linked: the receptionists are hitting on me. After my first day of work, I went down to the front desk where another teacher was talking to the receptionists. When I arrived, one of the receptionists turned to me and inquired, "May I ask you a personal question?"

"Well, that depends on how personal," I replied.

"Do you have a girlfriend? Because he (she points to the other teacher) thinks he is the only guy here who doesn't have a girlfriend." Oh, that was really smooth. But I played along, and told them that no, I didn't have a girlfriend. "Oh good," she said,"umm, for him. Good for him so that he knows he isn't the only one without a girlfriend. That is, if you are telling the truth." I assured them it was, and with that, I left with my TA who gave me a scooter ride home.

Saying what is on their mind seems to be a cultural phenomenon with which the Taiwanese are comfortable. For instance, I had to cover a teacher at the school at which I had training. When I arrived, I saw one of the TA's I met during training and had befriended. We were in the middle of catching up about my last month's adventures when, suddenly, she remarked, "Wow, you lost a lot of weight."

"Oh, um thank you." I answered.

"No really, I mean when you first got here, you were a lot bigger, now you are much much thinner."

"Well, I did just join a gym this week..."

"No, you lost more than someone can lose in a week, I mean you got much thinner." She said.

"Umm, well, I walk a lot of places, and usually get lost, and then walk some more..."

"No, I mean you were like a balloon and now you're all deflated!"

"Ok, I get it!" I said, "I was fat! I'm not fat anymore! Deflated balloon, thin, right, got it!"

God bless the Taiwanese. But I can't blame her, because she is a great person and a great friend, and those conversations make this whole experience worth it!

Teaching is a wonderful and noble profession. Although I am exhausted by the end of the day, I fall asleep with the satisfaction and gratitude that I am affecting positive and creative change in this world. Knowing that I am imparting life-long skills that will help these young tykes succeed in life reaffirms my purpose on this island. So apart from the exotic island adventures and wild nights in the city, I am reminded daily in the classroom that I am doing the right thing in the right place. And, not for nothing, I also look at this experience as an insurance policy against a midlife crisis. No regrets here.

So until next time, from your scholarly academic and highly regarded professor of English in and around the classrooms of Dong Hu, Michael.